-You were a little dynamite - so smart, full of confidence, strong personality-which is great for a kid.
- Was I?
This snippet of the conversation I had with my brother this morning got me thinking. What he said about me as a young kid brought back memories. From as early as I can remember, I was a curious, outgoing, strong-willed, energetic kid. I did not like being told what to do, and I had an opinion about everything. "Mariana is such a difficult kid! So temperamental, so bossy," people would so often say. As the years went by, I began to learn that I was inadequate, and it order to be accepted, I needed to break that strong will, lose my attitude and cool down my strong temper. Because God forbid, a woman with a strong will!
As those around me tried to break that strong will of mine, the fire burning inside me began to dwindle.With time, I began to feel uncomfortable under my own skin. My confidence turned into timidity and fear. Being myself was not a good thing, so I accommodated to the world around me. I got up out of bed, went to school, got straight A's, played sports, went to college, got a master's degree; but once I was done tracing the path that had been laid out in front of me, I realised that I did not know who I was or what I really wanted in life.
Oh, if only that strong-willed kid was with me now...she would know how to figure out who I am.
Today I thank my brother for reminding me that I still have that kid with me - that she can still guide me and mold me into the woman I am meant to be.